The Barbershop rule---Repost
This is a true story of an account that happened at my barbershop recently. I had to go see my dude "T.K." because my beard/mustache, sideburns was looking a little too much like "Wolfman Jackson".
While waiting to be cut next, I noticed that his woman was there in the shop sitting in one of the chairs. I give dude mad props for having her picture up on the wall behind his station, so I immediately recognized her and said "Hey, you're _____." She laughed and asked me how I knew. I told her that her face was a dead give away...the hairstyle often can't hide a face that I see every week.
Anyway...dudes talk in barbershops normally in very free types of conversations. The things they certainly would not say around their woman definitely may come out in the chair. Watching bootleg DVD's, listening to hip/hop uncensored music, playing chess, checkers, reliving former sports days long since past or laughing at old boxing matches on dvd/tape...man stuff. So as multiple conversations arose, generally about women, I noticed her getting real salty...
...so I decided to stoke the fire a little bit by reminded the fellas that there was a woman present and that she shouldn't be privvy to all this "man talk". Man the sh*t hit the fan then! She came at us with all the stories about no good brothas not taking care of their kids at home, hangin out with their boys, needing that "me time" was an excuse to kick it...on and on. Replies of "well if she(meaning whoever he was kicking it with)didn't like the way she was getting treated, then she can leave...there's plenty of fish in the sea"...or the classic line of "oh, well..." far too many to list anyway. She came back like she was defending the entire female gender like a champ though. I was just listening.
To my surprise most cats kinda settled down and I was like nahh f**k that...there is a place for dudes to have these conversations and I told her that she was "infringing on our turf"! My barber jumped in and defended most of the statements being made by the fellas and agreed with my assessment. He was like"see..you shouldn't be up in here anyway" I applauded his resolve, but doubt seriously if he got some that night! LOL!
I know that this topic may sting a little bit but my question is this..why would a woman feel it necessary to invade a barbershop and talk sh*t? Do we need to have the unwritten law amended as a constitutional right to have one place where we can congregate without being harassed? If the shoe was on the other foot and a dude was in a hair salon, women would have tried to string us up by our nuts.
Now an exception to this scenario is if the barbershop is also a hair salon too. With that, it would have to be battleground zero everyday of the week...LOL!!!
I would like to get some feedback if possible regarding this matter. Anyone up for the friendly conversation?
34 comments:
I just read on Plez's blog that it was your birthday! I hope you had a good one!
Hey DC,
Wasn't it a nice change though?
:)
@anali: it was great,anali. Thx very much for that.
@nic: no it really wasn't a nice change and I'm not joking. She made it into a bad situation. or better yet, she castrated the men from being or doing what they would normally do. I felt bad for them.
Hey DC....I truly agree that men should be able to talk about whatever they wish in the barbershop!!! Men should have a safe haven to scratch their balls and be men...the thing is, when a woman is present...there should be RESPECT!!! I am sure she isnt posted everyday at the barbershop and invading space...this was one instance where men should have just been tactful and not be offensive in the presence of a woman...I woulda been salty too!!!! Be honest, when men talk in the barber chairs...they are a whole buncha generalizations going on!!! They arent being specific about 1 or 2 women...they are generalizing....I applaud sis for having the back of our sista's...lol....yall came with force so she had to also!!!
love ya like a brother!!!
:)
Chokkkkk
@chokkk...men do what men do. she shouldn't have been posted up in there for hours chillin...thats just my humble opinion. It was the case of a dropped off lunch turned couple of hour adventure.
love you like a sister, too
lol
"When in Rome..."
To try to pull a "300"---you against an army that grossly outnumbers you---is both silly, futile, and not worth the energy, IMHO, especially in this instance. Pick your battles. These men weren't going to change their minds and this woman only ended up coming across as an antagonist. She could have just quietly listened, taking silent satisfaction in knowing her beliefs were not their own.
Barbershops are for men, beauty salons are for women. If you're a chick rolling up in what's historically a man's space, expect to get what you get. To gripe about it and turn on the natives is downright dumb.
that's my girl...(smile)
Why do you think she was "talking shit" by mentioning some of the very true things that go on with a lot of men today?
I agree it might not have been the time or the place, but did she come at you guys in a menacing way? Was she trying to engage you guys to get your perspective or was she being combative and mean with an "all brothers aint shit" kinda attitude?
I do agree with Lo's assessment though in picking your battles.
she came at us like we were all the enemy...I was like heyyyyy all that ain't cool...which is why I had to clown her, nicely.
most of her comments were negative and depicted nothing but black men as losers. I couldn't call her any names...so I stoked the fire instead and got her fella involved.
one dude actually left.
wow DC...if that's the way she came at the fellas...then she should be lucky her man WAS there.
Kinda odd that she would even take that approach when she has a man who adores her enough to have her pic up at his work station.
Kinda makes you wonder about THEIR relationship.
I don't wonder about it at all. if he didn't have it up, he would have been fronted on it when she did come up there. He was in a no win situation as soon as she started up.
either defend your girl(when she was wrong...totally wrong) or do the right thing and try to get her to roll out so that he didn't lose business.
on the real, he did say that he didn't like it when she posted up in there like that. He liked it when she was eye candy on the wall, drop in every now and then and bounce out after a few minutes. That time she sat in an empty barberstation and was posted for an hour before I got there and over an hour while i was at the shop. thats a grip of time to be debasing dudes in a sanctuary of sorts.
thanks for coming back to see the response
Sorry, I stepped out for a second. Well in response to your last response to me...I guess I would have to say, that if y'all really feel uncomfortable having women in the shop, keep them out. It's only ne spot. We'll survive.
Sista girl shoulda been confident enough in herself NOT to have let ANY of that offend her.
I mean I look at it like this....
Once you're not talking to M-E...directly--then there's no need for me to be sounding off.
Brothas are gonna say what they want to say (whether it be true or not--whether it be offensive or not)--and WOMEN ARE GOING TO DO THE SAME.
You know what it all boils down to?? --She obviously needs something better to do in her spare time and especially if she's going to be THAT damn sensitive.
Ms. B: That was an excellent comment. LOL. I just vented on my blog. A short vent for a change. You got me thinking about something right now. Thanks I needed the inspiration.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...Yall know I woulda opened up a can up in there. And TRUST...I can give as good as I get.
Menfolk be on some special okey doke as I have evidenced FREQUENTLY by listening to my two best friends. Trust me when I say I don't let that silly ish go far without correcting it. BUT...I do the same with women. I don't let stoopidity travel if I can help it. I put up a roadblock with the SWIFTNESS. So DC...if that chick woulda been me...we'da STILL be in there going toe to toe. Lo woulda had to swing by and bring you a sammich and a grape drank to tide you over.
Oh...and I wouldna took it personally...cuz I know that madness doesn't apply to me. But oh yeah...Idda said sumptin...even if it was just with a LOOK.
I so agree that the barbershop is man territory and I wouldn't want to be there anyway. lol
Men should have that space just for them to be free.
hey good folk. ooooh I missed some stuff I see.
oh boy, look at big sis tryna flex on me...okie dokie. I digress, Monica. a sammich and grape drink...hahahaha I was going to say...WTF is Juice? we want grape drink, baby!!! a Chappelle classic line. hahahahahahaha
thx diva for agreeing
what up shai? u going to be alright. I can see that already
@nic: we are man..hear us roar.
@ms b: yeah she definitely had a chip on her shoulder that day. I have seen her briefly stop by since then, but she was not about to let any reference to women go without being addressed strongly. amen on that statement about men and women doing what they do in the shops and salons. Amen indeed.
I do believe that the barbershop is off limits for a woman---men need to talk too!
I agree D.C.-a barbershop is no place for a woman to be. However I do go to barbershops to get my fro trimmed...and luckily the gentleman in there RESPECT that I am there. They dont change their tone...but they have an 'awareness' that some things should be explored after I leave. Usually when they are saying something that makes me want to comment...I smile and shake my head...and when I am asked my opinion (because a smile and a head shake ALWAYS gets a "so what YOU think?) then the door is open for me to voice my opinion without being hostile or defensive. It works out...BUT I am a paying customer...she needs to take her azz somewhere else.
Men talk mess. If I were her I would not even take you all on. I know better. Men talk, gossip, trash talk as much, if not MORE than women. I would just laugh because in my experience most things said in a barbershop is hyperbole.
a warm welcome to the new readers--
@ticia: hey thanks for coming and the comments are great
@keelah: welcome to the blog and I'll be sure to watch my body language from here on out in the shop. smile
@miz jj: hmmmm, don't know if I agree with the as much or more than...statement but I will accept it and welcome you as well.
thanks for coming by and don't forget to participate in WTF Wednesday..
First of all DC I need to point out that you know you started it when you did this:
****
...so I decided to stoke the fire a little bit by reminded the fellas that there was a woman present and that she shouldn't be privvy to all this "man talk".
******
You ain't slick! LOL----I ain't mad at you though. Then you pointed out that you just sat back and listened. A true LEADER!!!!!
I can speak from personal experience. When we go back home (NJ) to visit it's an official MEN "foke" talk holiday. The wives, girlfriends, baby moms, etc..---aren't asked to leave but, we are NOTIFIED beforehand that things just might get a little HOT up in the room so, if you can handle it, stay if you can't well......we'll see you in a cuppla hours. Needless to say, I LOVE conversations like that. I've NEVER been in a situation where I acted like that woman. There's NO need to! I never defend foolishness! Never have. Never will.
I LOVE it when men get together and let it all hang out. I admire it when men can get together and feel passionate enough to express their hearts. It's a perfect thing!
I actually LEARN a great deal.
You can find me and my sister in law in the mix taking notes, paying close attention, passing out beers, chips, snacks, making mixed drinks to keep the mood going.
LOL at--It was the case of a dropped off lunch turned couple of hour adventure.
DEFINITELY! She should have kept it moving OR sat back and enjoyed the convo! So, who's going to post a sign on the door: Women foke should be seen and not heard all up and through here at the Bah-Buh-Shop! LOL just kidding. don't send me hate mail people. i'm just kidding :)
I'm starting a slow clap for you tanyetta...
thank you but no signs need to go up...that would certainly make matters worse. The emotions were heigthened already, a sign will push any woman into hyperdrive. NO THANKS!!
funny thought though
DC,
I have to say to a point I agree as far as she was on male's turf since we do now have brotha's entering the sanctuary of beauty salons and nail salons and giving us the male opinion on certain things even when we don't ask...
However, this is a new day and time and as we notice everywhere all things are now COED (for a lack of a better term) and though there is nothing wrong with this as far as profits go the atmosphere has not yet caught up. So DC this is just my suggestion and opinion; how about set it off for those to follow and next time invite the sista into the conversation and have one that will compliment and yet chop down both genders..
Sometimes we women understand you men have things to get off your chest but if a woman is around she would still like to be acknowledge. I think if someone had changed the conversation to basically ask her "why do some women..." then she would have felt the respect and felt as if the brotha's excepted her beign there.....And so it is :)
OOPS MY BADD.....on my last comment I mispelled "being" I have "beign"....
I passed Language Arts I swear I did back in...19.....well a longtime ago. LOL
not that day. It really wasn't any conversation directed at her at all. I recall one thing that set her off immediately...Person X said" I got to go to child support court and I don't even know if the baby is mine"...thats when she really got hyped...
maybe in another instance, that may work.
lol...we speak typo here...always wanting to know.
and come back anytime...you are welcome...
especially for someone that has an opinion...you may enjoy tomorrow's theme for sure.
yep, yep...gotta agree...barbershops are men's sacred grounds, salons are women's...
girl was hangin' out where she shouldn't have been...
yeah, brothers ought to have SOME place where we can congregate and discuss what's on our minds without persecution...and the withholding of certain commodoties LOL!
Women deserve the same thing.
Ultimately, however, we are at our best when we come together as individuals and get to understand each other specifically. No blanket statement can be made about anyone that covers everyone. So you get to know me and i'll get to know you and we'll see if we can work that out before we tackle the battle of the sexes or peace in the middle east!
CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THIS ONE! Lo...WTF was Ann Coulter talking about on "Hardball" last night??????? Did you see Elizabeth Edwards tag her azz? I was in here HOLLAIN AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS! GET HER E! GET HER!
I'm not going to read everybody else's response until after I get mine in.
She just needed to take what she heard like a champ and not get bent out of shape about it. If she were a customer or was there with her son, I believe that you brothers should have toned it down in her presence. But sitting there just to be in her man's face, hell to the no. Take your azz on somewhere else.
I wholeheartedly agree: men deserve a place to let it all hang, so to speak, but for the time I was there, I would have LISTENED and LEARNED, then shuffled off for appletinis with the gurlz!
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