The New Dawn!!
My friends I have come to bear witness to a less verbalized change in the system of dating. The tides have turned! I'm going to take you on my own personal time warp.
When I was a teenager in the 80's, I was about 6'1 and very slender. Dark brown skin, big nose, and kinda shy. That definitely was not the formula to get girls to notice me other than being able to play basketball well and run fast on the track. Yet the physical appeal for the majority of the women was quite different than how I looked in my teenage years. The light complexion, grey or green eyes and wavy/perm looking hair was "in" then. Though I was a jock, I was still missing some of the attributes that attracted girls. Now don't get me wrong, not all of the young ladies were shallow like that and I was veryyyyy thankful for the girls that like the average joe's like me.
I found that I became a "good friend" or "brother" type figure to the girls that I had crushes on! Looking back...that was masterfully done! But at the time, I was taking a beating.
In the 80's, there were lots of movies where the nice guy was the friend who watched the beautiful female friend that he loved get played by dudes over and over again, to eventually ended up with the girl. WRONG!!!!!! Hollywood had me set up for failure, Jack!! That shit never happened like that in my life..yet, it made for a happily ever after romance in theory. Even shows like "Beauty and the beast" were popular and promoted that "boy I wish I could be with her" kind of thinking.
Well guess what...LOL..the joke is on the pretty boys now!! You know the ones..the ones that thought that they could skate through life because they were attractive and didn't maximize their opportunities in education or talents in athletics. I'm not hating..just keeping it real! If not for those dudes, the nice guys like me wouldn't be the "in" thing right now. I watched many hearts get broken, over and over again because women coveted that stereotype. Musicians that couldn't sing worth sh*t got over because of their "look"..Al B. Sure is top on a lot of my female friends list..LOL
It was a double edged sword to be a kid in the 80's, compared to now as a grown man. I endured quite a bit of heckling in my teen years to come back and hook up with
the prom queens down the road...(while they still looked good)!!! The tables have turned...now in the favor of the nice guys, good friends and the "oh,girl please..that's just______". By the way, I hated that shit and I know I'm not alone!!!!!!
This time around, the sincere nice guys that treat a woman with dignity, respect and become great friends, don't have to settle for being"oh, he's just a friend". We have a shot because now women think the "pretty boy's" are players because of previous experiences and even worse than that "on the down low".
Inspired much by recent blogs by rich and mizrepresent..thanks ya'll
My public service announcement!
42 comments:
I always liked the nice guys.
You are right though, DC. At my last high school reunion it was funny to see how many of the guys had tried to skate through life on their looks.
Nice guys always look good!
you were not the majority Saadia..I had to bulk up to about 210 from 175 and cut my hair..(yes...i had a curl)..to really come into my own..
It had its perks to be the good friend though...because I also had the inroads to the FOINE women's friends..and they screened them out for me too.
I got play from "just being around"...not the one I had the crush on... but oh well such was life!
Dude, are we twins?
lol...why u say that rich?
Lol, this was good! And don't hate on prom queens i was one! I always like the nice guys...back in the day "cocoa brown" wasn't in then either...So, to tell you the truth i grew up disliking the "Al B" types, and chose the darkest, with the whitest teeth...lol.Now i go for personality, respectability, mainly, looks are taken into consideration, but not necessarily a deal breaker, if everything else is working.
I'm so happy someone else was a prom queen!
lol..yeah sure mizrepresent..im not hating on the prom queens...I had to go back and get some from when I was a kid.
Again, I want you to seriously look back at all the guys that hung around that you called your "pal, buddy, or play brother"..I'll bet they all didnt want you categorizing them like that.
next class reunion of yours...go up and ask one of them!
lol...I know a lot of them now....I targeted them..a brotha came back with some muscles and confidence at the perfect time..20-22 was my best years to get my payback..
I was everybody's friend, until I hit college, bulked up a little and hit major paydirt. Chicks loved telling me about all them whack dudes that was dogging them, as they continued to look right through me.
lol..u know what's up! That's how it went down for me..especially since i ran college track..sports groupies helped me with my confidence my first semester freshman year at Kent State University...
The good friend position seems to be a great one because you learn who the other person is without pretense, no layers, no crown, no muscle shirt...you get the best opportunity to evaluate the person's character and what is behind the image.
I'm not saying it wasn't a good postion...but it was the overlooked position as alluded to by Rich..
I did well in that position, but i didnt get the "prom queen" types that i wanted until a few years later..in some instances 15-20 yrs later on 2 particular crushes that I ended up catching up with....
You know what...the prom queen fell in love with the buddy, bestfriend, (We were buddies for over 2 years)who also happened to be a younger, but the best b-ball player, and track runner around..its funny though, that never crossed my mind while we were falling...it just happened like that!
Alright Girly-Girl, Prom Queens UNITE!
As a sidenote, he left me for a cheerleader (lol), after i left for college.
man.....Miz & Saadia are tripping...there is no way that both of you can say that you appreciated the friend types brothas and gave them some play...not as the prom queen..the peer pressure alone would have made u buckle..
please..stop fronting!! LOL
Fool--we're not fronting.
I don't know what kind of girls went to your high school, DC, but I think Mizrepresent and I had the same kind of scene at ours.
Now, if you were too shy to come up and talk to me... that's a whole different story.
(Prom Queens Unite!!!)
nah nah...no u didn't!!!
ok, Saadia...I'm going to let you get that one off.
I think I'd like some additional male perspective..
Let me hit up Cort,c-mac, lance and T...
Cortney knows some of them anyway, so he can help a brotha out...yall not going to gang up on me on my own sh*t!!! LOL
Whatever...
I'm rolling my eyes and flexing my prom queen muscle
BRING IT!
aight then....MF(my friend)...lol
She's lying. She knows they wouldn't have dated an average guy. Like you said, too much pressure to remain popular. That Popular is about as bad as Sheletha's nemesis Game.
I played friend so much in high school that when I got to college (Univ. of FL) some of my homegirls who I went to high school (and dug) thought the other chicks had drank some special kool-aid, cause I was getting major love.
I went to my 20th year reunion a couple summers ago and it was sweet to have wifey on the arm, cause she was the baddest thing up in there. A lot of those chicks were all fat and out of shape. It took everything in me not to say -- "How you like me now - nukka!"
You're right.
I can only speak for my sister but not only was she prom queen, she was student body president and played varsity tennis. There were very few high school boys that she talked to. Guys still come up to me and tell me about how she wouldn't give them the time of day. Sorry, Sis but you know it's true.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You're supposed to be the president of my fan club, Sayeed. I'm not going to forget this...
hahahahahah...busted!!!! I love it!! Sayeed you're my new hero!!!!
Rich I feel you on that dawg...I went to my 10th yr reunion with my girl that was "like dat"...my ex wife was a model/dancer/flight attendant!
My 20th is this yr! Looking forward to it!! I saw some of my classmates at a few fundraisers..they looked less attractive, but I hope they turn it around.
Okay, lets wrap this up!
Prom Queens unite!
Just because we didn't talk to all of you, don't mean we wouldnt date some of you....Being popular was not a reason for being...just bc like my Girly-girlfriend, we were involved in numerous activities, smart and pretty don't mean we weren't down to earth.
Now i attended my 20th reunion, and i have to say i was a little nervous, cuz folks be hating on the prom queen...but a sista got much love, was treated like a celeb, rolled in their with nobody on my arm okay, but left with plenty offers...one brotha, can't remember his name, followed me around with a camera and kept saying "You were my Beyonce"...enuf said. So don't hate my buddy friends (lol)...it's not what you think.
ho hum....yeah right...just wait til someone fronts you out and then we will see...
I'm sure that in your wisdom of now..you feel that you probably werent like that..but it is what it is. every school around the country has segregated groups ie: jocks, nerds, populars, punk rockers, druggies, and m ore sub categories...and a prom queen is not going to kick it too far out of that comfort zone..
Now it's wrapped up, Miz!!! LOL
"Its a wrap", only bc it's your site, i do know how to behave as a houseguest....us Prom Queens know all about that! (lol)
that's funny! ok..thanks houseguest...LOL!!
Mizrepresent...
I'm too mad at my brother to say much, but I think you and I are on the same page.
P.S. The brotha who called you "his Beyonce"...you need to hold on to him, Girl. That is too sweet.
ha! prom queens united!!! LOL
Girly-Girl! (lol) He had no teeeth!
Tell your brotha to stick a sock in it, how dare he! (lol)
well i did know DC back then and he did catch hell from chicks ... but thats the beauty of being male .. as we grow older our being considered attracitve is attributed to far more than what are physical appearance is.
After the prom queens have had their teeth kicked in by the El Debarge lo0ok alike and or had a few kids by the neighborhood dope dealer who's now serving life . A brother that has a vision , a job and health benefits look gooder danna mufucka !!!
DC and I were just talking about being the friend to all the girls syndrome ... I too suffered from that but a friend I am no more .. I tell women straight up if you tell me you just want to be my friend I take that you think I'm ugly and how the hell are we to have a friendship when I know you don't find me to be attractive ...
and by the way DC stop being so bitter one of us has to be the nice guy between the two of us .. ole evil azz nukka
lol...cortney, cortney, cortney..I appreciate you brah...u probably could have saved that statement about me catching the hell from the chicks though....
even though i did, i still can't stand CM...lol...i don't care if she was ur first "french kiss"
I hate that "let's be friends line"!!
I'm still much nicer than you Cortney GEE!!!!
Miz...just bec he didnt have teeth, it doesn't mean that he couldnt get a set of bright whites. It's what's in his heart that truly matters!
"You're his Beyonce"...that kind of adoration doesn't come everyday.
LOL....
Saadia's brother is my hero...he needed to expose her"LIES"!!!!!LOL
No, no, no, bad teeth are a DEALBREAKER. You did the right thing Miz. I didn't know the dental story.
DC, shut up. My brother is BANNED from this blog and any other blog where I may or may not post a comment.
CG, you're in big trouble with me. You never give me any feedback on my poetry and I wrote one JUST FOR YOU!
I'm out.
And grouchy.
DC, know that there is a female on your side and you're speaking the truth. While I was no prom queen, I never had a problem with the fellas and I have to admit that I was one of those females in high school who went for the light skinned, curly haired brothers. Not always because I thought they were better looking than a brown skinned brother, but because they were considered to be popular. Thank God that phase didnt last long.
In an effort to not tell ALL my business, lets just that there came point in my high school career that I had my first sexual experience, and it just so happened to be with one of the "pretty boys"...all I can say is what a disappointment. I know its immature, hell I was 16, but after that I stereotyped all the light skinned guys as being short, short men (get it lol) and though I wanted no part of them sexually after that, I still continued to date them because they were what was "in". About a year later, I dated a brown skinned brother who put it on me (that was 20 years ago and I'm still smiling about it) and I've been hooked every since.
Had lots of male friends, whom I never considered dating, but it had nothing to do with looks. See here's the thing...women value friendships, and while yes they say your lover should also be your best friend, its nice in theory, but there's also that fear that should the lover part of the relationship come to an end, we'll lose our good friend in the process.
So while I'm sure that you would have much more preferred "hooking up" rather than having a female as a buddy, keep in mind that thy may have not been giving you any play because they valued your friendship too much to risk it. Corny, I know, but true.
LONG LIVE THE CHOCOLATE BROTHERS!
Ooops. Moving too fast. My names not anonymous. It's KIKI
Oh, you are sooooo funny DC... teeth is and forever will be a deal breaker.. case in point...i know a girl, who married a man, but the man didn't know she had false teeth....you know what happened when he found those teeth, sitting in a cup, in the bathroom???? Let's just say, love was interrupted... (lol), and yes, the compliment was wonderful...but i want to be more than someones Beyonce! You hear me!
KIKI..that was an excellent comment...thank you so much for it!
I dont agree with one part KIKI, that "I don't sleep with my friends" thing didn't work on Dawson's Creek so it definitely ain't working with me...they all did each other.. why shouldn't I have been able to get hooked up?.. f**t that son!!!
Chocolate Brothers Unite!!!!!
Saadia... why you hating on ur brother for keeping it real!
LOL@teeth in the cup!
Miz...teeth can be fixed..remember the movie with bobby brown when his teeth was bad..he cleaned up nicely! Don't let ur frog stay a frog, turn him into ur prince!!LOL
yea man, i teach my son that a woman will pick a ma with brains over any other any day. I was a mac daddy back in the day, now i am repenting - lol somewhat. and u can write as much as u want on my blog folk. Brain cells are a dying breed.
Lmao @ Dawson's Creek. You in Cleveland crazy.
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