Monday, April 16, 2007

Cheating..Part II

Ok, ya'll. Now that we established that cheating in relationships is held to a higher degree of punishment based on the marital status, let's dig in a little bit deeper.

In the part I segment, I spoke of men/women cheating and I believe we all learned some pretty interesting persepctives about how that situation could be dealt with. But, let's take the physical out of the equation. Let's focus purely on the emotional and mental.

Lend this to you your imagination:

You're in a relationship---not yet married--maybe even co habitating and there is an absence of something in the relationship that you have expressed to your mate that is unsatisfying to you. Try as you might, he/she just won't accomodate your desires. In your frustration, you let off a little steam with a co worker that has availed themself as a friend in the time of trouble, to lend an ear. You always had heard that the best source of information about the other sex is a friend of the other sex. So you ask him/her a hypothetical question because either you feel safe with them or you think they will be honest with you. Or perhaps your biggest issue with your mate is...they don't listen to you anyway. Biggg problem for most of my peeps relationship and marital concerns. So now you expose a deep secret to a person that will listen. A desire or maybe even fetish that has gone on unexplored with your mate. The friend listens, doesn't judge you and provides sound advice. It doesn't matter what it is. If they listened to you and that was your problem with your mate, then a new object of affection emerges from the disclosure. In all actuality a new relationship is birthed in that moment.

Several debates have arisen over cheating in the mind. Biblical teachings say that lusting in the mind is a sin just as with the body. So here is where the debate gets a little fuzzy. If you have a friend and that individual takes up time of yours in a non sexual environment. ie: shared lunchtime, regular casual conversations, a confidante, or a crush. Do you think you are cheating? If you spent a dime on that person, knowing that you would have sex with them, but you haven't...are you cheating? If you speak to that person past daytime hours and that individual is the last engaging conversation that you have before you go to bed and you get the warm fuzzies about them...are you cheating. If you just lust after them, can't do the do because they are hooked up...but if they would let you...you would do the do---are you cheating?

Cheating is in the mind is just as horrific as in the body. A comment in the part I segment forced this variation into the spotlight. Men cheat in the body! There is no doubt about it. And yes, sometimes in the mind. However, cheating in the mind is more of a passing thought like"yeah, i would love to f**k her". For the most part, if we don't think we could actually do it, it becomes a turn off and we may label the woman as a tease, a lesbian or frankly just call her a "bit*h to rationalize it in our minds why we can't "hit it". Purely for ego purposes, it may be wrong but thats just how it is. Now women cheat in the body as well, though apparently not as much as men. BUT..women cheat in the mind far more than men do. Women create relationships with other men, giving of the intimacies in conversation and sexual thoughts because they are the more romantic of the sexes.

Let's kick this around the campfire!

Ladies, did you really think that just because Johnny didn't hit it--that you weren't cheating? Did you really believe that going to sleep and pondering the thoughts of how another man made you feel during the day or in the last conversation wasn't cheating? Didn't you know thinking of someone else during intimacy with your mate was cheating? Did you know that imagining scenarios was cheating? Also--didn't you know that opening up too much to a bisexual or gay woman helps ease you into that lifestyle too?

I put men on blast in my blogs alot. Now women ya'll gots to keep it real and realize that everyone is a cheater at some point.

Who's up for the challenge in this "friendly debate"?

19 comments:

Lance said...

i'll hold my comments for later. nice piece, bruh d!

Girly_Girl said...

Oh, shut up. Having a true heart is wonderful, IN THEORY, but sometimes real life gets in the way.

Sheletha said...

Hi clyde!

hamil10 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KIKI said...

If your lusting over a male confident at work, cheating was on your mind in the first place and it's probably why you chose this person to confide in, to get closer. If you're genuinely trying to find answers to help save or repair a relationship, your too focused on your man to be thinking about gettin wit your coworker.

We all have our fantasies, but yeah if your constantly thinking of another & playing out scenerios of "what if?" then yeah that's cheating. But just like you men, a woman can see a fine guy thinking "Yeah I'd f*ck em", play out a little fantasy in her mind as to what he may be like as a lover, then be done with it. That I don't think is cheating.

It all boils down to what your true intentions are?

KIKI said...

Oh yeah..and I have a couple of gay girlfriends who I have confided in...and trust me...it didn't help EASE me into anything...I'm strictly d*ckly.(lol)again, if you go down that road, it was something that had already been on your mind.

Mizrepresent said...

Guilty as charged, but i'm human!What more r you looking for here, men cheat, women cheat, men for the physical, women more emotional....does it ever stop? i don't think so, until we decide that our relationship is worth saving, and is valued....we learn to kick it up a notch....but i don't think the mental fantasies ever go away, not ever.

CapCity said...

It ALL starts in the mental realm. As humans we control our minds, sometimes we let it run free & that's when I've found myself falling into crap I shouldn't have...hence the latest tight reign on me (mentally & physically) in order to save myself emotionally. that's my story & i'm stickin' to it! lol!

hamil10 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JustMeWriting said...

Well, I'd say if the issue you had about your mate was of a sexual nature it really shouldn't be discussed with another man (coworker/"friend") and we've already gone over the overuse or MISuse of that word. I think that in itself brings too much to the mind of the other mind...knowing your sexual business...we're all human and if you've EVER looked at him and said..."OK" then you shouldn't be spreading DETAILS. Things will only develop if you allow them too. So yeah...it's all in the mind because subconsciously you probably just wanted to GO THERE with them.

Khoney330 said...

I believe if you're emotionally involved with someone who is not you're someone you're cheating. You should either work it out with your mate or let them go. Not fair to any parties involved otherwise.

dc_speaks said...

thank you all for your honesty and open comments. I really appreciate it.

Shai said...

LOL. DC, do the Jedi mind trick. I think you have an undertone of bitterness. JMHO.

If I become emotionally attracted/attached to a man and want him and don't get intimate sexually than it is emotional cheating.

Honestly, if I confide in a lesbian for answers, it is cheating. LOL. Unless, I lust after the woman or get emotional attracted to her then yeah. But I am straight and I don't have any lesbian friends I confide in.

dc_speaks said...

@Shai: huh? wtf are you talking about? If i say that I appreciate the comments, then I do.

Are you PMS'ing or something?

Shai said...

I have noticed with an edge when you post about issues with women. I could be wrong.

And for the record, DON'T use PMSing as a reason I state things. SMH. I was honest in my blog and then you use it against me. LOL.

dc_speaks said...

I have no problems with women..as a matter of fact, I am promoting a women's well being/emotional health conference. I have nothing but love for women. I seek only to share a different perspective which doesn't always cater to the "men are dogs/bastards" mindset. I have many female friends that alert me of the dangers of women vs. women concerns.

That's all I'm saying.

If I offended you...

CortneyGee said...

Cheating in the mind ..? Hmmmm I would be guilty all the time I fantasies about women that I have talked with in confidence I would be lying if I didn't admit I have fantasized about doing all the women on this blog comment spot .. hell to make it even more honest AT THE SAME TIME ... not that I think I could please each and every one of you with all of you in the same room but I would kill myself trying !!!


Cortney Gee He who lives balls first , but watches both ways before crossing the street... Good post DC

spice said...

I was just speaking about this the other day. Emotional cheating is the worst type because as soon as he/she gets into your mind eventually he/she will get into your pants. Okay in some cases it may not turn sexual but trust me you are thinking about them in the midnight hours doing lord knows what.

Sugar said...

Whoa! This post is all over the place! lol I don't even know where to begin. First you start out talking about the issues that some imaginary couple are having, then you start talking about how women cheat more in the mind, but men more so in the body. THEN, you start talking about some other imaginary woman and all of the ways she's cheated mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.

I'll be honest, again I'd have to side with Shai on this one. I'm sure you are excited to hear that. lol What's up brother?

Maybe you should put whomever the woman is who did you dirty on blast rather than put this on all women, because as I mentioned in my own blog, I think that women probably do cheat just as much as men, and I also don't think that one cheats more emotionally or mentally than the other.

I think that women seem to get more emotionally attached, but men do too! Every man has at least one or two women who were able to put it on his ass and have him crawling. I can send my brother up as one example and the brother of many, many other friends of mine as other examples...and hell, some of the guys that I've dated!

Those women treat them like trash and yet they still crawl back for more. Emotionally attached....CAN'T GET ENOUGH of the abuse and ridicule.

Do yourself a favor and blast whomever that chick is out, just like I do about any particular guy on my own blog. You'll feel better. There's no need to make blanket statements under the guise of talking about women as a whole when it does sound as if you have an issue with some woman in particular. That's just my own opinion and I have been wrong a time or two. lol

Free your mind brother. Free your mind!