Friday, April 6, 2007

Pot Luck Friday pt. 2

Dis shole duz look good!

I think that I'll try this again. I am still going to make Friday's POT LUCK FRIDAY..

What I would like to do is get some feed back from some non blogging readers or some bloggers that don't have the time to blog right now on a Monday post topic. An open forum or a wish list if you will.

There is no topic off limits! I know that relationship posts are common but be more specific. What element of the relationships? Finding one, keeping one, how to get out of one..all are up for discussion and friendly debate. FRIENDLY DEBATE!!!

I am an information junkie! Garbage in--garbage out! But, I still like to process information. So, I'd like to try to start a day where the readers are in control of a single question, we take it as a group and discuss it in a civil manner. If it goes well, then it could be really fun.

Have a fantastic weekend and let's come up with some great questions to kick around the campfire!

SO without further delay.....who is up for the challenge, part 2?


JustMeWriting said...

I don't like being first, but oh well.

Relationship Topic:
? Do you think love/emotions can sustain a relationship between a couple with little to no commonalities?

dc_speaks said...

I love you being first. That can be dealt with, T.

dr. Girlfriend said...

I am glad "Justmewriting" was first, great topic. April seems like a good time to post a relationship blog topic :) sooooo...
Here it goes:
How should women/men nurture, cultivate, or facilitate the progression of a relationship once they have established the "I like you" phase. Are there persons who believe that it grows on its on or like most living things that it requires food, water, attention, etc?

Shai said...

I have two questions:

Men and Hygiene: Is it important to you?

Women and Beauty: Do men really appreciate what women go through to stay beautiful and do they under stand how added pressure can be damaging?

CapCity said...

when r u going to address the topics suggested DC? on Topics Tuesday;-)? lol!

dc_speaks said...

I'd like to try something family. If ya'll don't mind.

As everyone posts a question, please leave a perspective on the comment above yours.

This should be interesting.

Shai: Women and Beauty: Do men really appreciate what women go through to stay beautiful and do they under stand how added pressure can be damaging?

I try to be mindful of women in their plight to stay attractive. I know in the past all I cared about was getting somewhere on time regardless of how the added pressure might affect the woman I was with. As I got older, I tapered that down quite a bit.

Excellent question, Shai.

dc_speaks said...

hahah...thats cute,Cap.

that's an idea though.

Lo said...

Dr. Girlfriend,

I definitely think a new relationship---heck, a relationship at any level---requires nurturing lest it atrophy. People sometimes assume that the initial spark is enough to sustain the flame, but sparks can go out and aren't always easily reignited. You've gotta put in the work for a relationship to thrive.

Lo said...

Oh, I forgot to leave a question.

Are big penises overrated?

Shai said...

I agree with you Lo. I have had tell male friends that relationships take effort. They balked then I pointed out how they assumed the relationship itself would work itself and that lack of effort made their relationships sour.

Shai said...

DC, here are my commentary to my own questions:

Men and Hygiene: Is it important to you?

A man's hygiene is VERY important to me. For one it is unattractive to see dirty fingernais, rough feet, ashy body and ungroommed hair/face. Women are visual TOO. Some men don't get a fly azz outfit and bad hygiene don't mix. When I strip a negro I want to much my hands on smooth body parts and see a neat package. An aprhodiasic for me is a well groomed negro top to bottom and even underneath the clothes. LOL.

Women and Beauty: Do men really appreciate what women go through to stay beautiful and do they under stand how added pressure can be damaging?

With so many images in society now and some old beliefs about a woman's beauty floating around, it is murder for some of us.

My main beef is how some men complain about a woman's hair. If a woman wears a wig, weave or braids she is considered lazy. If she chemically straightens her hair and takes all day at the salon, she is too high maintenance. I can go on.

My brothas not all but some, quit tripping on a woman's hair. Many of us wish we could have manageable hair and also have its natural state appreciated. Hair ain't easy to deal with for many black woman.

Whew! Yeah long post. LOL.

Khoney330 said...

Lo, I think big penises are very nice. But if the master can't wield the tool, it's useless!
I definitley agree that relationships take work. Anything worth having is worth working at.

I'll be back to post my question.

CapCity said...

wow! dc - it's busy up in her' this Good Friday!

Sistah Lo, a large penis is a must for me...God's making me wait on it though. LOL! khoney, I wouldn't say it's completely useless...i can help a brother work his tool, if he can't. I'd rather a man w/ too much than not enough if there's nothing to work WITH...what am I to do?

JYM - not sure if emotions can sustain a relationship, but i've had sexual relationships that lasted for YEARS 'til we both said, this is getting out of hand:-).

Dr. G - I'm still trying to figure that progression out, so I can't answer that one.

Shai - i agree that a brother's hygiene is EXTREMELY important. I will allow for a construction wkr/mechanic to have dirty nails ONLY if they work w/ their hands to the point that it's almost impossible to clean that thoroughly. I will say it gives me the willies when a man's feet & hands are softer than mine. I don't mind a man who gets mani/pedis - but, let me know you do some wk. with your hands:-).

I think that addressed most of the questions before mine, DC.

Now my question -
Mine is similar to Dr.G's: As a single woman trying to maintain her walk of faith - how does anyone suggest we go about this whole dating thing?
Too often brothers don't want to hear that "it's" not happening until marriage anymore. I've been able to "maintain" in this past year out of frustration & lack of meeting anyone who "flips my skirt up" - but when I do meet someone it has been a challenge because I try to keep a distance physically while getting to know them mentally & emotionally, but very often they become frustrated and roll out!

dc_speaks said...

Wow. You guys are really taking this next level. I'm loving it.

Shai said...

Dating back in the day(80' and 90's) were good. Now hooking up, friends with benefits and the "buddy" system exists. I makes me sick how now men think a date is meeting at my house or his. NOT!

Is dating extinct? Will it have a comeback? Is dating old-fashioned? Who still dates? Am I being unrealistic in want a real date?

CapCity said...

uh, in nyc - there is NO meeting at MY home until a brother has gotten security clearance, Shai! lol! laughing but not joking;-).

Mizrepresent said...

Wow, late on this, but would like to add my 2 cents. Relationships need nourishing from the very beginnning...the 'i like you' and throughout...if you don't water, seed, fertilize the plant, it won't grow.

Big penises - well a while back i would have hooped and hollered, and high-fived on this one, but after running into the GODZILLA D! I ain't laughing no more, or wanting or needing that MONSTER. That thing nearly killed me. (lol)

Hygiene- men - yes, love a good smelling man, clean, not overly though, i'm with Cap on that too soft hands and feet, clean but not womanly clean.

Is dating extinct? - I hope not...that's what i'm trying to do. Haven't been successful, but still hoping.

My question - You meet someone, you like them, they like you, when does it become a relationship?

dr. Girlfriend said...

Good Friday has certainly been busy! Comments on other questions and topics:
Justmewriting: I think your topic was quite interesting particularly because you specifically inquired about love "sustaining" the relationship with little or no commonalities between the couple. I think that opposites attract but commonalities greatly impact relationship survival.

Shai: Men and Hygiene-Yes this is important and the importance in this is the detail-does one care enough about him or herself that this is essential to them? If the answer is no than I have a hard time figuring out where priorities lie!
Women and Beauty: It is hard to generalize here-Some men do appreciate our challenges but others may not have a clue particularly if a brother never sees his woman with a bad hair day, with and without weave, make up or no makeup, etc (lol)

Lo: Interestingly size is overrated and skill is underrated.

Capcity:Tough question about dating, I don't think anyone has a perfect answer but I do think that as corny as it sounds building friendships while maintaining chemistry is key. How one does that? Well creativity is key and it does not have to involve sex but others may have some thoughts on that.

Mizrepresent: Defining relationships are tricky aren't they? I have no clue but I bet the guy does.

Speaking of guys-where are they today?

CortneyGee said...

Question why aren't women with over sized Pussy greatly appreciated like men with schlongs ?
It would only make sense a horse dicked dude would be blasting the blog with his desire to fill a hole that looks like a man cover ... but know men like tight wet ones ... but I guess tight is up to who's pushing in huh....?

CortneyGee said...

I don't believe a relationship can exist without common ground and likes... it's doomed right after the sex becomes old !!! Hey Lo tell the lovely inspired people when New Sex becomes old sex !!!

Lo said...

Sure, Cort!!! And actually, people, it's technically not New Sex vs. Old Sex. It's New P. vs. Old P. So, the answer is, New P. becomes Old P...

...the moment you cum.

dc_speaks said...

man...ya'll all wildin out today. Is it a full moon or something?

thats very interesting cort and lo.

is this a geeism or a loism rule?

Cap: the most honest answer that i can give you on your question is that most dudes are too spoiled about not having to wait for sex anymore. we have had too many women f**k us on the first date or soon after. It's a bad situation for women that are attempting to live virtuously because a man will use the line "you did it with your last man, what's the difference..why should I have to wait...a sin is a sin" It's complicated and im sure quite frustrating but the only solution that i can possibly give to you wait on the Lord to send you a man that can and will wait til marriage. You will then find your diamond in the rough.

I hope this helps.

dc_speaks said...

Miz: to answer your question

My question - You meet someone, you like them, they like you, when does it become a relationship?

that's pretty simple. Immediately!
There is no promise of tomorrow and although I subscribe to the "carpe diem" way of thinking, sometimes it can work against you. Risk taking in relationships can be the most beautiful chance ever taken. Thanksfor asking the tough question.

Khoney330 said...

When do you call it quits with a man who says he likes you but doesn't act like it? How long can the want of wanting it to happen sustain things?

CapCity said...

yea, DC, i figure God's preparing a Brother for me who is as tired of the "just-empty-sex" as I am - who is also a "born again Virgin". I know it's a corny & overused title, hmmm, how about "an Apostle of Regenerated Priorities"...or is that too strong? lol

Rich in the Stl said...

Dang, Where have I been, you all have been putting in work. Heck, it's Saturday now.

Emotions can't sustain a relationship, they change too easily.

Hygeine is very important for both parties. I definitely am not comfortable if I'm dirty, even if it comes from hard work.

Love a woman who looks good, but I didn't appreciate it until I came home too many days to a pony tail and sweats.

Big D's are never overrated. If they were none of you would want one. How many of you want the football d*ck brother (short and stubby, I'm told).

That dating thing is tricky. I wonder if I could handle being single in light of my serious view about Christianity. Sometimes it's just enough being a faithful husband.

Dating never needs to be extinct, even in a marriage you should date, which reminds me, I need to make a date.

Women with oversized P aren't appreciated because even for us big fella's there's no friction. If I want to swim, I'll get in a pool.

You call it quits with the person who says they like you but don't act like it, the moment you look in the mirror an realize you deserve better.

Ok, my question, what's your take on Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her - more specifically, to what extent should a man give himself for his wife.--- Good Easter question.

Shai said...

Wow, Rich I did not know you were a faithful Christian husband.

What I get from this verse the man has to be sacrificial where he feels like it or not. There is no room for selfish, self-serving decisions. He shows his love through his actions not just in being a provider of the finances or leadership. Christ was a provider of many needs.

Hence, the many men who misinterpret this verse need to know money is not the only thing they must provide. Really a man be sacrifical is just as deep as a woman being submissive.

CapCity said...

Flashbulb just went off in my head! YES, Shai I finally get it - just as a woman is a built to be a man's help-mate, a man must sacrifice and relinquish all temptations for his wife. THAT is what makes the bond strong! I now understand that is why men are more tempted by the flesh & desire "outside" partners more than most women do (I know... much has changed, but historically...u know what I mean:-)...that was a deep revelation...thanx for the enlightenment y'all!

I'm also learning to accept as Hill Harper states in his book: "Rejection is God's Protection."

No new question to add - there's enough to discuss here already:-)

CortneyGee said...

Lo.. you know I still loaugh at our 3 month so it seems of coming to that conclusion.. miss you!!!

CortneyGee said...

Miz Rep you afraid of the Whopper huh....heheheheeh
Good to know ...

Mizrepresent said...

Thanks for the clarification DC.

Rich, i really enjoyed your answers, very poignant...and how cute, make that date soon.

Shai- excellent breakdown

Cortney - lol! Hell yeah, that beast, anaconda, alien...yep all of that...i still cringe when i think about it! Whew!

KIKI said...

Ok...late to the party...ya'll done got deep up in here...

@Justme...while opposites do attract, there has to be some commonality; if not in actions or behavior then in thinking.

@Dr.Girl...nothing grows on its own; without nurturing a relationship becomes stagnant.

@Shai...hale yeah hygiene is EXTRA important; nothing turns me on more than a clean, good smellin man. As far as and the hair-doo, I've had more men approach me with a ponytail & baseball cap than when I'm fresh to def from the beauty salon.

@LO...Big penis' overrated? Size is in the eye of the beholding p*ssy.LOL

@Cap...if they cant understand where you're coming from...f**k em! There's someone out there who thinks like you do and when the time is right you'll find each other.

@Shai again...yeah I think dating's extinct. Nothing else to say. becomes a relationship when both parties sit down and decide to be exclusive. You know what they say when you assume...It makes an ass...ya'll know the rest.

@Cort...big pu**ies aren't appreciated in the same manner as big d**ks because on the real...big pu**y translates into big HOE!

@Khoney...I got a 3 strike rule. Don't talk me to death. You got to show me. what extent?...COMPLETELY!Just as a woman should give 100% of herself to her husband.

My question...Does someone always have to be in "control" of the relationship? If so, who's responsibiltiy is it? The man's or the woman's?

Girly_Girl said...

why can't we just talk about some Girly Girl stuff???

dc_speaks said...

Saadia, you are too much.

Shai said...

Men, how important is getting oral sex to you? Is it a deal-breaker if woman/mate refuses to do you?

CapCity said...

shai, u need to take that question over to MWB's spot! LOL!

dc_speaks said...

ooh ohh i want to answer that question...


hamil10 said...

WOW... i'm late, again. I've had a wonderful few days off of work. In fact, I'm at home now. However, I had to check in. I realize how spoiled I am being married. My goodness, I wouldn't want to have to tackle dating again right now, if my life depended on it. Reading these comments and questions, I feel almost outmoded/old in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, i've been out there and done my thing, but gee... i feel really oldfashioned. I believe that any relationship has to be nourished in order for it to grow and develop. As far as the p***s question.. i'm too modest to chime in on that. I pray for you single folk's strength and encouragement while waiting for God to send you a mate.

Shai said...

Why is it a deal breaker DC?

Lo said...

LOL at Shai's question today and DC's all-capped answer. As for hamil10, how blessed you are to be in a union that shields you from the madness of the dating world.

New question: Can a so-called "hoe" become a housewife...EVER? Can a man with good intentions who has fallen in love with the object of his lap dance affections successfully convert her into a pillar of his home and community? Does her past even matter at the end of the day?

(I know that seems like three questions instead of one, but however you answer will probably address all three.)

Shai said...

My question would be can you make a hoe into a husband? LOL.

Khoney330 said...

Lo, I think if SHE wants to change then yes. You can make a hoe into a housewife. Just like some dawgs can become men.

Khoney330 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KIKI said...

Another question asked by one of my acqaintances...Is it acceptable to keep seeing an "ex" as a "friend" once you start dating someone else?

JustMeWriting said...

DAG...I can't believe I've missed all that. I can't hardly do through them all but:

Lo: LOL. are big penis' overrated...hell to da yeah! LOL. I feel you Miz, when you've had your share of learn to appreciate those tender moments with mini-me. but then again Capcity: yeah, you've got to have SOMETHING to work with.
Shai: heck yeah, dating has faded away, but I think because most woman don't mandate it's become too cool to tolerate what men want to give.
Capcity: dido on the not coming to my house until an approved time.
Rich: man o man, I'm like to tackle that biblical question...but I think I'll have to come back to it.

dc_speaks said...

Geez, this was a tight comment section. You guys are great. Thanks for all the feedback.

I see there are some questions left unanswered and I will certainly tackle them today personally.