Friday, April 13, 2007

Pot Luck Friday, Part III

Dis shole duz look good!

I think that I'll try this again based on the great response from last week. I am excited to present once again POT LUCK FRIDAY..

What I would like to do is get some feed back from some non blogging readers or some bloggers that don't have the time to blog right. An open forum or a wish list if you will. For example, Don Imus or maybe the Duke Lacrosse team situation.

There is no topic off limits! I know that relationship posts are common but be more specific. What element of the relationships? Finding one, keeping one, how to get out of one..all are up for discussion and friendly debate. FRIENDLY DEBATE!!!

I am an information junkie! Garbage in--garbage out! But, I still like to process information. So, I'd like to try to start a day where the readers are in control of every single question, we take the comment that is posted right before you, answer their comment question,then post your own question for the next person. We can discuss it in a civil manner. If it goes well, then it could be really fun.

Have a fantastic weekend and let's come up with some great questions to kick around the campfire!

So without further delay.....who is up for the challenge, part 3?


CortneyGee said...

Well seeing I'm the first to post thought I would ask the question .. " When does one become boyfriend /girlfriend in this day and age ...? Is it asked or just agreed upon ? Is it like back in the day when you sent the person a note and asked them to circle to correct answer ? WTF

Mizrepresent said...

NEXT- Cortney's question...i think it is when you two have talked about it and decided you want to be exclusive, until then you are only dating. So yes it is agreed upon or not.

My question - Is it all about the hunt? Once you have obtained the putnanny, are you like holding up the head of your conquered like PREDATOR?

Rich in the Stl said...

Ive been out of the dating cycle a while, but when I was in, hell yeah, it's agreed upon. I couldn't stand a chick assuming I was her man. I'm funny like that. Don't be staking no claims without talking to me first, you might be blocking something I was working on.

Great visual Miz -- the truth is that sometimes it is about the hunt, but most times not. Usually that depends on who the chick is. Based on what I know about you, I couldn't see too many men doing that, but you could be crazy in relationships, so what do I know. (I'm just kidding).

That brings me to my question. Why do people assume because a woman is cute that she is a good catch. You hear stuff like, "I don't know what his problem was...." For all you know she might be crazy as hell when attached.

dc_speaks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dc_speaks said...

ok...dang. I got a tough question.

Rich: Why do people assume because a woman is cute that she is a good catch?

I've heard the same thing and have come to the conclusion that being pretty is synonymous with sanity only by perception. Though my preference has always been the cute women, I found that they were catered to throughout most of their years and more than a few of them are pretty selfish and self centered. Not all though, but more than a few indeed.

My question is: How do you know if you are making someone happy/sad if they don't tell you?

hamil10 said...

I find the Don Imus situation interesting. Please don't revoke my "black" card, but why is it okay for black people to call black women "nappy-headed hos" but not anyone else? Does it sting less because we injure ourselves? The same thing with the "N-word" and the "B-word." When did the "B-word" become a badge of honor for women... I hear so many proudly proclaiming... I'm a good "B****" I don't get it. Those were fightin words when I was in high school. What's changed?

dr. Girlfriend said...

All great questions!
DC-How do you know if you are making someone happy/sad if they don't tell you?

Giving someone great verbal feedback is very rewarding i.e. "Wow, I love being with you or It makes me happy to hear your voice". However, showing them that they make you happy is an even stronger catalyst when added to communication.

@Cortneygee-This was such a good post I had to respond! I am a very concrete person at times and things have to be made clear to me so if a guy wanted me to be his girlfriend-I would love to get a note from him so that I could circle my answer :)

hamil10 said...

Sorry... didn't read the other comments before I posted the Imus thing, but I want to chime in on what everyone else said for the sake of consistency.

#1... I believe its agreed upon when people decide to be an exclusive couple. I think the sooner expectations are laid out, the better. The longer it takes to have that conversation the potential for misunderstandings, assumptions, and hurt feelings increases. get bigger and

2#... Pretty=good catch... I think women think the same way about guys. I know when my mom met my husband the first time, mind you I was 17 and he was 23, all she said was, "He's got a nice complexion and good hair and a job... y'all will have pretty babies." WHAT!!!

#3...I think that when it comes to making someone sad, you can only plead ignorance for so long before human observation kicks in. I think if someone doesn't speak up to say when they're being hurt or dissatisfied there's a reason and whatever that root is has to be dealt with. Some people, sad enough to say, feel like they have to put up with a certain amount of mistreatment in order to be accepted by the person they want to be with.

dr. Girlfriend said...

Oops forgot my question..

First close your eyes and think of what attracts you to someone now answer the question:
What defines attraction other than physical beauty?

Shai said...

@CG, these days they use friends with benefits, fuc buddy, or just hooking up. Unless, a guy says he is her man or she is his woman, then you are not a boyfriend/girlfriend.

@Miz, for some the hunt, the game is the thrill and then they move and slinging the catch the side.

@ Rich, I am not a man so I don't know. I have liked handsome men not cute men. I have been with one cute guy and the looks is not what got me. LOL. The looks of cuteness and youth repelled me. He got me with poetry and kindnes. Because men are SO visual, I guess many equate good looks with being good in all other areas.

Also, Rich, dating and relationships have changed alot since you got married. SMH.

hamil10 said...

@Dr.GF. A good sense of humor and a some brains... not brains that make me feel stupid but enough for me to be able to learn some things.

Shai said...

I agree with Hamil10 on her comments #1 and #3.

My question is why does a person ignore the deep feelings of their loved ones?

Good example: A woman tells her husband directly she needs more support around the house and he give excuses why he cannot.

KIKI said...

Lawd...ya'll busy this morning...'s a relationship when it's decided by both parties to be exclusive...assuming you're in a relationship without verifying it with the other party makes for a bad me...I know

@Miz...I'm not a man but experience has shown me it's always about the hunt & once they catch their prey it's about the excitement of taming it.

@Rich...those people are just as shallow as alot of those "cute" women they think are so great. They'd rather have a trophy on their arm than a real woman by their side.

@DC...ask 'em

@Hamil...It's not or white...Calling me a nappy headed hoe will get you a good hard smack in the mouth...period!

@Dr G...confidence, obtainable goals, and a sense of humor makes for one sexy man

Shai...only thing I can think of is selfishness

My question(didn't get answered last week, so I'll try again)...When in a relationship, is it ok to continue seeing an ex as a friend on a one on one basis and exclude your current partner from the plans?

CortneyGee said...

Im a predator .. I beat my chest and roar like King Kong after I have given a girl the shlong ... but I'm always willing to go back and play with the dead carcass... just cause I ripped up the guts and took off the head don't mean there aint more meat left heheehheeh

Lo said...

In answer to your question, I don't think it would be appropriate. You don't build trust by excluding your man from interaction that you have with your ex. Why would you, if there is nothing to hide?

If I was meeting with my ex or talking to him on the phone, my man would either be present or completely aware of the interaction.

My question is: How do you break it to casual hook ups ,who you also consider friends, that you won't be hooking up with them anymore because you found someone you want to be serious with?

hamil10 said...

@Lo... it's hard to go back to being just friends. I went through something similar. We rarely speak now. I'm cool with the friendship, but he's not. It makes me feel like we weren't really friends to begin with. We had known each other before being intimate for over 10 years. I hear from him every now and again, but there's no friendly talk. He always directs the conversation to pillow talk. crazy.

KIKI said...

@LO...round these parts a "casual hook-up" means that no commitment has been made so it would be safe to assume that person has been dating other people all along, so it should come as no surprise when it finally comes to an end.

CortneyGee said...

You don't break it to them Lo they get in where they fit in and if it's not the right fit no more ..KICK ROCKSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Shai said...

Ok, here is my question:

Why do ex-players get mad when they meet women who have their defenses up because they have been played?

I find it interesting as I get older and watch men who used to be players get mad because some women are on guard due to men who have played them. Using the line: "Do punish me for what another man did." Funny, that called karma.

dc_speaks said...

@ Cort , Hamil10 and KiKi..ya'll are messing up the rotation posting and not leaving questions for the next reader...

lol..get with the program!

KIKI said...

I did ask one, but I have a part two...if it's not acceptable to see your ex without your current partner present, why is it the first thing men say when they get caught wit another woman?..."yeah we used to date but we're just friends now & she needed someone to talk to" WTF...SMH

KIKI said...

ooops..forgot to answer Shai...cause they stoopid!LOL

CapCity said...

one of my questions has been answered = where IS everybody? LoL!

whew - y'all been busy up in her'! Another question - is anyone WORKING today? lol!

I don't think i can reply in writing to all the questions - but u all know i'm sitting here at my computer talking to myself:-).
Many of these questions (when r u officially exclusive, is it about the chase, why r assumptions made based on looks, how do u know if someone's happy/sad...) are PURELY individual based depending on where a person's head, experience & maturity is AT.

I agree fully w/ Lo on the interacting with an ex with my present man's full knowledge. Even if I interact w/ male friends who are married/involved I constantly keep their wives/sig others in the conversation even if they're not present. I may keep contacts for biz/netwking purposes, but i know that others have agendas that are NOT mine.

I'm SOOOO excited because I've stepped into Life's FLOW-for-Me:
1)My career/calling is developing miraculously
2)I THINK I'm finally EXPERIENCING "that elusive" YOU'LL KNOW when you've met the right one!!
So, my question now, "Lord, how can I thank U for ALL my blessings?"

dr. Girlfriend said...

@Capcity: A toast to you on your current and future sucess:claim it and you shall attain it. You are thanking the Lord right now by acknowledging that He is responsible for these blessings. He asks us not to forsake Him and love others as we profess that we love Him.
Congratulations on receiving and unwrapping a few of God's gifts to you-I am sure there are more to come!

Shai said...

@Kiki, seriously I have read a bunch of blogs where men who were admitted former playas get upset because they now have to deal with meeting females who have been played and are now grounded.

I was at a poetry slam one nite and two or three men talked about women being more gentle and open even if other man have hurt them. That seems all well and good. The thing is funny who the playas get mad at the feedback

Question: Male egos, if they are really fragile then why do some stomp on the feelings of others?

Shai said...

I have a question for the ladies:

Why is it so many of us are in dilemmas, either we are too hard and harsh or too open and inviting in our relationships? Is there a balanced medium and are you at it?

Yeah, I asked 3 questions. LOL.

KIKI said...

@Shai...I was being serious. These men are too stupid to realize that they need to be patient with a woman who has been played in the past...give the woman time to figure out that they are not like the other men...but they're in such a rush to be accepted & have their eggos stroked they end up coming across like all the other playas...causing the woman to either back off or feed them wit a long handled spoon.

Too hard, harsh, open...I am who I am...take it or leave it.

Piggy-backing off a woman who's open about her feelings & what she wants out of a relationship a turn on or turn off? Does it make you feel pressured?

CortneyGee said...

C your son is named Damon Jr nukka you can't tell me what to do....
here is a question for you ... why do some people need to control the entire world around them but can't control their world hehehehehe

CortneyGee said...

i know this is a statement .. FuGG yo Couch N*kka !!!

CortneyGee said...

another question for the group I've already grown tired of rebelling against DC hhehehe...
Why is it women go into a situation saying it cool to just knock skins but if you hit and lick them right they want to reserve the right to change their minds ?

And one for the obvious playa slayers that read this blog ... where do ya'll get trained is there some shaolin temple in IDAHO?

CapCity said...

Shai - girl, i hate to sound corny - but sistah girl, until i stepped into my flow i had struggles, dilemmas & all that...i think the balance is reached by putting it in the hand's of The Creator's taken me awhile of wrestlin' with frustrations, but i finally GET it!!

Girly_Girl said...


hamil10 said...

I asked a question... waaaayyyy in the beginning, but it wasn't consistent with what was on everyone's mind. Howevah... I will play again.

If you are in a committed relationship and find your attention wandering, do you at any point discuss this with your partner/spouse or just try to reign yourself in on your own?

CapCity said...

hamil - i don't understand why every one of my thoughts needs to be discussed with my partner...especially if it's just a thought or enjoyment of surrounding if i'm having deeper issues & doubts that's another thing.

Anonymous said...

@that makes complete sense. personally, I know my husband would have him and the kids following me wherever i went in bunny slippers and saggy p.js, trying to see what's going on.

KIKI said...

LMAO @CG...personally speaking its because when a man gets a taste of my goodies they wanna lock it down for themselves...if I'm locked're locked down...we're locked down.

@Hamil...if by "wandering" you mean thinking of someone else you'd rather be spending you're time with or just not focused on the realtionship anymore...yes it should be discussed.

JustMeWriting said...

I'm not even gone front like I this play this so here's goes much of nothing:

cg:I'm with rich
miz: only boys like to hunt men want to catch.
Rich: I'm with dc
dc: I'm with dr.g
hamil10: I'm with kiki
dr g: I love that question...simple for me; did I smile when he was in my imagination.
shai: they'd only ignore if the don't really care to hear
kiki: I agree with lo
lo: I agree with cg
cc: GIRL, PRAISE HIM...TELL OF HIS GOODNESS...LET THE WORLD SEE WHAT HE ALONE HAS DONE FOR YOU. that's why He does great works in our lives so they can become out testiment to His Loving kindness and great Mercy...TELL IT ALL DAY LONG ALL DAY STRONG! that's how you can show Him you're appreciation.

WHEW! boy am I tired from allllll

Now I can't think of a question...thanks a lot guys...

JustMeWriting said...

Ok...I have a question.

Why do we sometimes fear getting that which we've always wanted?

p.s. please excuse the absence of words in my above post...sorry!

CapCity said...

JMW - Guuurrrrrrllll, your question goes back to my question asking how to thank The Creator for all the blessings flowing towards us. Too often we're surrounded by individuals who have not stepped into or claimed their light/calling or whatever u want to label, we 'fear' or doubt our own...when u let it flow it's a wonderful thang, but hold onto yo' wig cuz it's the ride of YOUR life! ;-)

Lance said...


Lance said...

been tryin' to get on blogger all day, now comin' up to speed. great post and dialogue. dc you gotta winner!

JustMeWriting said...

LOL...THANK CC, I felt your energy. Yes, I posed that question because of someone else, but that's something I'm STILL learning to do...accept my worthyness. I know for me the fear was present because I doubted my due, so I looked for wrong...'this CAN'T be what I think it is...what I've been waiting for' I can't be, because I don't deserve it...surely, like Paul said, "O Wretched Man that I am" how can I get this good from God? Then God showed me somethings and told me some things and now I'm a new, I'll stop...but thank you sistah...because what a ride it is.

Lance said...

what the fuck?....

after reading some of these comments it's like a dog chasin' its' tail...

here ya go ladies, from now 'til you're in the grave!

men like to fuck, PERIOD!!!...huntin' & catchin'...all in the game. some women you have to hunt, cause they think they're so damn cute. others you catch, 'cause they're so damn desperate. like fishin' in an aquarium, just drop the net down in there and pull'em up!

when you nappy-headed hoes (see, i spelt HOES right with an "e") gonna stop trying to figga us men us out and quit yappin'?

(;-P <=== the evil one has arrived!

CapCity said...

JMW - Accept it, Girl! Let Go & let God work His Magic THROUGH U! You're not accepting your own human-worthiness as much as u r accepting your TRUST in the Miracles & possibilities of Our Creator.
i apologize if anyone is offended by my zeal - but i've recently been touched & it feels SO...indescribable!!
Check out Big Brother Rich's latest posts - he's feeling it too!

lance, 'ain't nobody stuttin' u, bwah' lol!

Lance said...

fo sho, sho!!!!

JustMeWriting said...

CC: THANK YOU SISTA-GURL... for the heads up into Rich's world too...loved it.

Lola Gets said...

Man, Iont know what the hell to say, but feel as if I must say something, so here it goes.

My last, um, "fling" was with a man I call The Fast And The Furious (peep the blog). HIS definition of a relationship was someone with whom you go out with and have sex with for a period of time (3-6 months, etc.

MY definition of a boyfriend/girlfriend is the same, BUT the parties involved discuss the decision to be monogamous. Thats what I think because, apparently, I overthink things and talk waaayyy too much! But hey, its my life.

Mizrepresent said...

Looking for the last question...oh,it was Lance,

"when you nappy headed -STOP (oh he's not addressing me, my hair ain't nappy, okay skip down)

"HOES" - (all hell naw, I sure ain't no hoe)

Lance ask a dayum question that makes since around dealing with QUEENS n%KKa....RECOGNIZE. (lol)


Cortney - thanks for the are the beast i thought you were.

How do you know if you just kicking it, or if it's something real? Do you ask, or just go with the flow?

dc_speaks said...

oh wow...

Miz: ask. Im from the school of "a closed mouth doesn't get fed. I hope that answers your question.

My question: How do you handle when a woman/man wants to meet your family/children and you're ready for it?

Lance said...

okay queenie mizrep, i'm shush'n..but to comment on dc's question:

look here bruh, if that's yo woman.

you diggin' her.
she's diggin' you.
both of y'all have mutual respect toward the other "unseen" family.

ain't really much to handle, the family/children just gotta deal with it.

Rich in the Stl said...

Did everybody but me have the day off. Dang!

KIKI said...

hehehe@Rich...I must admit when 5 o'clock came around I realized I hadn't done a DAME THANG!

But bossman outta town...when the cats away...

Shai said...

@Rich, LOL. I did not have the day off.

@Lance, I have to say dude you can be funny at times. Seriously, do you have a serious bone in your body? Are you scared to be truly serious instead of shits and giggles?

I have seen folks here joke and be serious. Would ever get serious for us?

Shai said...

@CAP, I have to say you are inspiring for us folks who have not reached your point with their relationship with God. Good thing you are learning earlier. I am much older and still learning. Let your light keep shining and inspiring.