Friday, March 2, 2007

Who comes up with these rules?

In some recent posts and conversations over the past month or so, I have come to the conclusion that much of what and how we define our lives is outlined in some "rulebook" or behavioral guidelines. I rebuke the rulebook and choose to be an "out of the box" thinker!!

Here are some that I want to throw up for discussion:

1. Waiting 3 days after getting a phone number to call-so you don't look desperate
2. What is cool about having the 1st date as a movie or dinner
3. Placing a time frame stipulation on having sex ie: 3 month rule(NEVER!!!!!)
4. Waiting for the night to end to get the "good kisses"
5. Making the first move is the man's responsiblity
6. Why do u have to have a fight to get the "animalistic sex" or break up to make up?
7. What does the 1st one to call back after an argument loses prove?
8. When is the "don't have to call 1st before stopping by" go into effect?
9. Should the man pay for every date/outing?
10.What is off limits conversation when the purpose is to get to know each other?

I was just curious and named a few that came to mind...there are thousands that are applicable..

Who's the first batter up to take a swing or to add to the list of rebukable rules AND WHY???


Khoney330 said...

I don't think people HAVE to have their first date as a movie or dinner. Some folks lack orginality. Where would our first date be?

Khoney330 said...

I'm always down for good kissing. Anamilistic sex when the mood hits. I do think you should get to know someone before you share all your goodies. What if you done gave it up and then figure out a month later this person is not for you.

dr. Girlfriend said...

This was funny!
I honestly think that the library of books in life came from guys. After all, following the rulebook there is the game book, followed by the player handbook, accompanied by the little black book. :)

I can think of a few rules myself that I am not saying I follow simply adding to your list:

1.)The man should offer to pay on a first date, if he asks a lady out.
2.)If the date is a mutual agreement, the dinner should be split but the man should still pay for everything:)

Rule 2 was purposefully provocative.

Rich in the Stl said...

man, my post got booted because khoney330 and dr. girlfriend were posting at the same time, so I'll come back. I don't feel like typing that all over again. What the heck.

I hate the 3 days to call, especially if she is fly. Just don't leave her 50 messages if you get her answering machine on the first call, be patient enough to wait for the return.

Movies allow for an easy subject to start on. Being creative on the first date can backfire if she isn't into what you are, she might also erroniously think you aren't compatible because of it. There are LOTs of things that I like to do that my wife doesn't do with me.

Anonymous said...

It's like the animated movie, "Open Season". Do what's right at the time; go for your heart; use your head (either one). Every body's financial situation may not be the same at the same time. Don't miss out on a good brother just because it is not his pay week. Be creative (we are anywhere else). As a female, I tend to break all of the traditional rules.

"Life is short, play HARD!"

dc_speaks said... want to see more rules ya'll...

I'm digging this topic though! Rich, we think waaaaay too much alike.

Khoney330...ur a mess! I always ask where and women like to do. talking at a movie is rude and eating tends to have people be a little less themselves at the beginning.

Dr. Girlfriend....i need to check all my books to see which ones I still have at the house..I like the progression excellent comment!

dc_speaks said...

I loved that comment! anon, you should have put your name up..especially when it is insightful like that.

Girly_Girl said...

I have a ton of rules. I also gave a written test to my husband when we started getting serious.

Mizrepresent said...

Well, i'm just taking notes right now...but carry on, this is interesting.

KIKI said...

I like this. Here's what I think on a few of these:

3. I think that the sex should happen when both parties are "feeling" it, when it happens it happens. Although I do have my own opinions as how to get there, you'll have to read my blog for that.

8. When you find out let me know...I was just wondering the same thing the other night.lmao

9. Who ever suggested the outing should pay for it...period.

10. No convo is off limits. How else are you going to get to now each other? Otherwise you look like you have something to hide.

dc_speaks said...

lol@saadia for saying a written test..what are some of the rules saadia? u don't hold out any other time...why now..MF

miz..I know ur not coppin out when its about to get fair

kiki..what can i say? ur keepin it real and I love it! Good looking out ya'll...

still looking for more rules though..c'mon folks, this could be a ground breaking step towards men/women relationships...LOL

Mizrepresent said...

Okay, what's up with this animalistic sex...tequila can do that! (lol) Call me! when you want, 3 days is okay, just don't call me 10 times the next are ultimately x'ed out then...rules...let's see.
* don't necessarily think a man should pay all the time.. maybe the first time and then the next time, switch up!
*3 mos sex rule..not into that..if it feels good, do it...just no up front what you r getting into.
*first dates, i like the being creative part...dinner, unless you are not feeling him, can be unsatisfying...while you are wanting so much to suck on those crab legs, you don't bc, you don't want him thinking you r greedy or a slob. So maybe a coffee shop, a trip to the musuem, a walk in the park, some lunch later may ease the tention.
*Give the good kiss can be a dealmaker or breaker...if you can't kiss, i'm out! and no slobbering...ewwww!

okay, am i now playing fair DC? (lol)

dc_speaks said...

yes u are...thank you Miz!! it's about time!!

dc_speaks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shai said...

The waiting for sex is important for me. I tried the doing what you feel without fully knowing the person. It can get ugly when you have sex too soon.

Some rules are to weed out folks. Some rules are for protection. I am slightly old school and cringe at the f-buddy, friends with benefits, and dating at each other's homes phenomenon.

Anonymous said...

So thats why you havent called? lol... JK....Some would say that rules are made to be broken. When you argue to make up, I do believe that it is your way of showing much you really appreciate each other.


Anonymous said...

Maybe we should keep true to the old ways of:
1) don't kiss on the first date
2) wait until he calls you
3) let him pay
4) get family's approval about him
5) end dates at a curfew time
6) wait (3) months for sex
7) wait 3-5 years for marriage

If we do someone else will definitely be fucking him. But,it will probably be better than fucking him, feeding him and catering to him just to be constantly stood up with no return calls. In essence, abiding by the old fashion rules ---- may just ease a sista's pain in the long run.

What's your take on that, DC?

Rich in the Stl said...

Okay, here's a few more cents.

Sex too soon doesn't always backfire unless she pulls out the freak bag. Then I'm figuring (when I was single) that she's doing the same to everyone else so I'm not interested, however I almost married a chick who gave it up the first night. Mind you, it was on the beach and the sun was coming up, so that just blew me away. I think the sex too soon is bad when the guys are in their twenty's, us dudes that are in our thirty's don't care about that. We've had enough duds to want to know what it's like. Like I said, as long as she ain't trying to porno flick me right out the box then early is still cool ESPECIALLY if she is smart, career oriented and has mad conversation.

I love a woman who isn't afraid to make the first move, especially after we've been together for a minute.

Rule: Our joking that you got a little freak in you should not translate into go back into your shell.

Sometimes you do want to get in a GOOD kiss before the night ends.

The quicker anyone calls after the argument the better, too much time can turn into never calling back.


Don't assume a dude is a playa because he has multiple cute female friends. Chicks who have a lot of male friends don't want to be looked at as ho's, so the same courtesy should be applied for us guys.

dc_speaks said...

great comments folks...Now let's take it a step further...stay tuned to this station

CapCity said...

Oooohhhh! This topic is ticking me OFF! Becuase it brings up bad memories of good times;-). LOL! GirlyGirl - u must share the written test, sistah here needs all the tips she can get!

Rich, I hear MANY couples say they don't like to do the same things. I really don't understand that. If most people work 8 hours away from each other, then when u have free time together shouldn't some of it be spent doing something together? But again, I'm single so, I'm not being facetious. I like to think that I'm "holding" out for that Brother who likes to do many things WITH me (will keep u posted on that;-). I'd love to read a romance novel from the male AND female perspectives like a journal from both sides from the time they first meet, etc. A REAL couple would be best (hint, hint:-)...

MizRepresent did just that with her commentary! Saves me some repetition:-)

To add my opinions/rules - DON'T Assume a sistah's a freak because she's having a good time and can find YOUR hot spots - she may simply be OBSERVANT! No, Rich I'm not talking to u - just the others in my head/past memories:-)

Whoever said that women dress for other women forgot to mention the "rule" that men are having sex for other men - DAMMIT! This only applies to those who "know who they are" and leave us looking for batteries and a "good" book, while they sleep, MFers! LOL!

Intimacy - I like to go by the vibe, things have to "click" - but a Brother who I dated eons ago told me I'd never "find" such a thing. So what he's married & I'm not? I "know" that the sistah who married him needed a daddy for her 1st kid. Ok, that was mean - but who the hell was he to say I wouldn't find my "click"? NOT that I'm personalizing this topic! LOL!

I never was good at following or figuring out rules & have never been good at competitive games. But, I DO love to dance & good dance partners need time to learn each others' moves. Expect a few mistakes along the way.

The number one RULE that I THINK should be ETCHED in stone & I'll have written in my pre-nup:-) =
IF u start off spoiling me, don't slip in that department (and I'm NOT talking material spoils here;-)!

Also - Be creative - don't TELL me how creative u used to be or would be if u had more time & money (arghh!).

Excuse me if I went a bit off topic, but this took me BACK:-)

dc_speaks said...

well...a new comment with alot to say!

Capcity, I always appreciate this kind of feedback and I'll look for it in the future!

Welcome and thanks for sharing!

Mizrepresent said...

Cap-City is my twin sister from another life...go girl! And i'm feeling you on the "doing things together." I'm aware that you two might not share all interests, but there something you got to like doing together (besides making love), inside, outside the house that you both find entertaining, and fun....this is so important guys, so don't forget, once you stop spending time together, quality, fun time, everything goes down the drain (just a word of experience)...He upstairs, you downstairs, you like to dance, he don't, you want drink, he won't, you like to be social, he likes to be alone...dayum they say opposites attract, but there has to be something you two like, right? Sorry for the diatribe (lol) this could have been a new post for me, but once again thanks DC...this opening up to countless strangers is starting to feel good!

dc_speaks said...

u go girls!!! great feedback...I got my notepad out..

CortneyGee said...

being an entertainer has ruined my dating mindset ( being a basketball player didn't help either )... I think dating is a woman's way of weeding out and getting a free movie or meal out a dude ... Men know what we are trying to get ( we are very simple creatures women know what it is too...)
and the date is the prerequiste to the final outcome ...

Because I think dating is for squares that allow themselves to be checked out ( like paying to be given a credit card .. that irritating processing fee )

I dont like nor respect the dating rules ... thank GOD for groupies and uninhibited hoes!!!!

Rich you know Im going to be hated for this one ...

dc_speaks said...

lol...tell it like it really is! are going to be hated on for this...but I got your back homeboy!

Anonymous said...

In response to Courtneygee's response, dating is definitely a way to weed out the brothers. It appears that men in this city make it really easy since most of them don't want to pay for the meal nor the movie. Just my personal observation.

Thanks for your honesty on the issue. I'm sure the uninhibited and non-committal types are creaming in their pants for you right this moment. (smile)

CortneyGee said...

im not on here to make enemies or friends .. " Do I speak for the world ? No the homie Gerald Levert did that, me all expressions and opinions are from me and for me ...
As to ME's post I would hope in the world there would be some females that are moist with the thought of me
but if it's creamy down there maybe they might want to go to rite aid and get some of that monistat stuff... smile right back at you

CortneyGee said...

in response to my new anonymous friend ( or nemesis) last comment I and most men know that it's a weeding out process thats why we resent it so ... shouldnt cost me a dime to be told my services are undesired ... Just wish women respected that F*cking is a man's weeding out process ... if we are bumping uglies the monies spent on entertaining you during the times whenwe arent is justified ...if we aren't f*cking the monies spent of you could be better spent on someone that is f*cking us or willing to f*ck us in the very near future ...

DC there should be a salary cap on the whole process
" The game should be sold and not told " have to keep reminding myself of this fact

California Dove said...

My three cents is this:
1. Sex on the first date is cool, if it's the right time. Freaky sex is sprinkled after marriage. Girl has to hold on to something.
2. Athletes,Celebrities or Military guys I could never trust in a relationship. The risk for new boodie is too great.
3. Dont Play By The Rules

dc_speaks said...

Cortney..I think we should have a fair compromise on the weeding out process as well. Im with you brah!'re doing rounds on I am Inspired CA Dove...again..much appreciated

Mizrepresent said...

CG you are funny as hell, i guess that's why you are a comedian (lol)...yeah you celebs get it like that, but bruh, when your star isn't shining anymore, when it's dull and covered in cobwebs, you be just like the reg nig, holding out for the big women! (lol)... okay i'm no stranger to celebs, believe me...but i'm just saying, so the f&** what! Hell it ain't like you paying just banging,and everywhere you look somebody banging,...yeah i know it's evil for the sisters right now, we got 10 to 1, we got to deal with all types...on the real, but you know what, the sista or nonsista that will give you the ultimate in relationship will be the one who don't give a dayum about who you are or your trip to get there, or what how fast you can shooot off, and thats on the real brutha man....Dayum what was this topic about anyway....i forgot (lol)!

CortneyGee said...

Im no celebrity.. Im an entertainer .. Im the first to realize that some of the women that I have dealt with only dug me or let me dig them out did it because of what they thought they could get out of me or what i might provide in the future... worked for me cause I wanted to lay them MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

When if ever my star would stop to shine I would hope to be just as popular with women seeing I'm a Trifecta plus one.. Im tall dark handsome and funny ( Essence Magazine says that what women dig ..dont hate me Im just the messenger !!! Of course this is all subject to taste at least I have funny down pat.) let me f*ck around and get filthy rich it's a wrap!!!

In closing I would like to say the rules apply to those that allow themselves to be subjected to them .. if someone attempts to put me in a box ( would have had this opinion if I worked for FedEx and have never been on tv) I put them on pause and keep it pushing .

Rich in the Stl said...

mizrepresent, you are coming out the box. do you!

California Dove said...

Miz,you're a bit scary. I understand what you are saying, but is so abrasive.

Hi DC!

Anonymous said...


I'm sure some women get moist at the thought of you. I like your honesty. I guess the women you know like it too. Keep being "you". I agree with you regarding not letting anyone put you in the box. Keep it real - always and in all ways.

Mizrepresent said...

To California Dove...if i seem abrasive to you, and that offends you, i apologize...but i feel that i was only saying what was on my mind to CG to help him, not hurt him...dayum my horoscope told me to stay away from drama today, but i didn't listen...peace to you.

dc_speaks said...

um...hello? i hope im not interrupting anything....CAn't we all just get along?

CortneyGee said...

Miz you havent made an enemy of me with your comments .. I have thick skin .. you have to when you are an obvious shit starter ... One Lonely Beastie I Be
The Notorious CMG

Lance said...

anybody home?

;-( <=== the lanceman late for the party ***

California Dove said...

Miz, we cool. Dont let me slow your roll.

Let it do what it do,baby