My main man....not my dude!----REPOST!!!
Happy Wednesday!!! Given the fact that most of my relationship based blogs are romantic in nature, I'd like to highlight the fact that I do have some homies. I used to have a girlfriend ask me why I felt the need to call up my best friend weekly and touch base or vice versa.
Has our society fallen prey to the "Down Low, Brother" phobia to the extent where dudes can't comfortably express masculine affection? My best friend lives in Raleigh, NC. and I'm not ashamed of closing my conversation with "I love you, brah/black man"!
I mean c'mon man...best friends since we were 10 years old and it was an issue of my sexuality...I still can't believe it actually. On the real, I probably spend more time with my boys now than I ever have because we are more in tune with conversing on women's needs or comparing notes on screwed up ex's(reference the ex girlfriend graveyard by Cortney Gee)..LOL However, that still doesn't mean that it's alot of time either...just more than when I was married or engaged. I liken it to the movie "The Brothers". Positive male relationships help keep some of my boys grounded..
My thinking must be a lil off because I was taught to maintain positive male relationships and continue to perpetuate that in my sons. How can a man learn best how to treat a woman in his youthful years if he doesn't witness one at home. Far too often women "try" to teach young men how to be young men and end up f****g them up by steering them towards feminine behavior without even knowing it. Young boys that end up as gay men...retrospectively may not have had positive masculine relationships.
Ladies, if your dude spends more time with his boys than you like, let him know in a loving way...to throw the "are you gay" line will probably cause him to go on a tremendous heterosexual rampage!!! We are extremely vindictive when you unjustly question our manhood. Trust me! I personally have helped prevent some of my boys from hooking up with other women when they were mad at their women. I'm just trying to help you all out.
How would you like it if you were acceused of lesbianism, cause you all always go to the bathroom in groups together? Think of it that way.
Now what would be an easier,nicer and more effective way to tell that ni99a to keep his a$$ at home?
Who's up for the challenge?
9 comments:
That tidbit helps for some of us single moms w/sons. It also explains alot of brother's unavailabilty at times (i.e., hanging with their boys) when we are dying to be with them (smile).
TWG
I think it is so important to cultivate same sex relationships.
Let's face it--men and women are very, very different. I'm not saying men and women can't be friends, I'm just saying that many times we need to pull back from romantic relationships and be ourselves with old (same sex) friends.
thank you TWG...im here to help the ladies..ummm so help me get my forum started... and saadia, two words: Amen, sistah!
Man, I just got off the phone about an hour ago with a friend who was complaining about her man calling his partner on the daily. Her first instinct was to wonder if he was down low.
I think the real reason women sweat us on those relationships is because of what TWG eluded to; they want the attention themselves.
Women can be greedy when it comes to attention and if they feel that they are losing out to one of your partners they can be extremely hard on you for that even when they know it's all on the level. I would say dealing with that level of "competition" is like finding out your girl is cheating on you with another woman; how can you compete with that, especially when you know it's not about the licking.
rich...you are hilarious dude! I know it would be hard to compete, but did you have to get me all fired up with the mental picture...Smile!!! I told you that we were on page today. Good looking out brah man!
I wonder if women of other races have the same problem with their man.
I say this because black men are under the constant threat of being emasculated in society. Bringing into the home is not surprising. Im not saying that homosexuality isnt real, its just magnified to a greater extent with our men.
What woman doesnt want their mans attention? Why is it when we bring up same sex friendships that the conversation has to go to the left with homosexuality? Is it that our men are hypersensitve to society's representation of them?
I think it may be another attempt to break up the black family.
DC, you are affectionate?
Come on now DC, what about this new thing where alot of Black men are using the saying, "That's faggot," about things like if a man gets a mani/pedi? We do teach people how to treat us. I mean the macho image perpetuated all these years has taught men and women if a man acts too touchy feeling, then his sexuality is questionable.
Now, I don't go for all that stuff. I shake my head at how many Black men are so homophobic. I find nothing wrong with men showing they have emotions. I value and respect a man who has no problems giving another man a friendly hug. Hell, more men need to do this, show love.
So I would have a prob with my man if he hung out so much with his boys and did not fit me in. One of my exes took me for granted thinking that just because I was a homebody, he could stop by after hanging with the boys anytime. NOT! Have some balance and respect of time.
I've ALWAYs LOVED watching Black Men interact lovingly. That was one of the best things about going to the Barber shop with my Dad when I was a tike!
Absolutely nothing wrong with male bonding...I actually encourage my dude to go "kcik it" wit the fellas...I don't want you up under me all the damn time..I need some "me time" too!
It's when dude starts spending MORE time with his "main man" than he does his woman that we have a problem. It's one thing when you go out once or twice a week with yo boy...it's a totally different thing when the guy's coming in @ 3am every morning just in time to wake you up talkin bout can they get some(lol).
But that's just my opinion
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