Monday Musings..part VIII
Ok, now I feel really bad. I became the bad guy for a moment and did a huge injustice to my fellow black man. Well, how did you do that, DC? You don't have to twist my arm to tell it.(deep sigh)
ok...maybe a month and a half ago I was dealing with a next door neighbor's kid that was throwing water ballons over in our yard when the dogs were outside, riding her little scooter through our grass and coming into our gated yard without permission. And if that wasn't enough, her mother, with whom we never even exchanged names, was often leaving her bedroom window open...which of course opened into our driveway. Apparently she was a loud moaner, because everyone in our home heard her getting "done" on more than a few occasions.
She left suddenly and a new neighbor moved in. They knew each other and the transition took less than a week. This time, it was a guy with his girlfriend and her 4 yr old son. I was like "oh boy, here we go again". He moved in with pimped out vehicles(like in the tv show), braids and a lot of friends that rolled up on motorcycles and other pimped out cars whilst pumping loud sounds at night.
Soon though, the cars stopped coming over and the music hardly ever got loud. We spoke and exchanged names. In reality, this dude has been an extremely good neighbor. I needed a jack and 4-way for my tire one day. He was right there, even offered to help me to the work. He closed my gate when I left it open one day. He is very polite and kind to my family and is genuinely a cool dude. I haven't ever experienced the over the fence/talk neighbor before. It's pretty nice.
I misjudged him because of his looks and what he drives.
I'm guilty. I didn't know that I had a prejudiced bone in my body until now. Who knew? I hope this true story prevents you from doing the same to someone else.
This has been my Public Service Announcement.
36 comments:
That is a hard one to get by sometime. This lady that works to me comes to mind. To see her she looks like the Ghetto Queen of the Month, but after having talked to her on more than one occasion I was surprised to find that she had quite the business mind. Go figure. Girl can even conjugate verbs.
hat not only applies to someone's outer appearance, but also judging someone but what you feel they should have accomplished as well. We don't know the next person's starting point. Learning that is just a part of getting older. Great site. Check me out at www.reversecultureshock.sqaurespace.com
Chris
Sheesh...do you live on Wysteria Lane? ROFL!
Very interesting post. :)
very interesting post!dc is someone on they way down here?is a fire need to be put out lmao
I've done this before, my parents were ones that taught me to not judge people, but sometimes I think it happens so quickly when you look at someone you don't even realize you've done it. My neighbors moved in last year, and the first thing I thought was "Oh thank goodness they don't have kids." (Even though I have a 7 year old, I guess it's different for someone else). They are friendly neighbors too, looking out for me, even shoving my walkway off in the winter and he's even mowed the side of our yard that's next to their's. I think they feel sorry for me since I'm single, not sure, but they are very nice.
I got way off the subject, but I can relate to what you are saying.
@Rich: we are not alone. i've heard that a time or two for work stories.
@Chris Royal: thanks for stopping by. I agree. you used a fantastic additional example to deal with. I'll stop by your spot.
@sis: nope. i guess you know what im talkin about too. lol. im the brother from another mother, remember. lol
@tanyetta: um...thanks. lol
@neshia. um...thanks to you too. and why do you ask me that question? i am not always my brother's keeper. sheeeeesh.
@melissa: it's not of subject like you thought. Its a confirmation of what's happening everyday...all over the world. thanks for sharing that.
I try hard not to judge people but when you do see the pimped out rides, braids, a lot of people hanging around you tend to be like "oh lawd, here we go with the ghetto fabulousness!" But I'm glad that your preconceived notions didn't hinder you from befriending him. Thank you for the public service announcement! Sometimes you gotta man up and check yaself. Thanks!
You cannot judge a book by its cover. I had classmate who rarely talked. I can say I thought he was a guy from the hood laying back in class not learning. I had to work with him on a project. We had to put a paper and presentation together. As we all read our parts during our prep period, he corrected all our grammatical mistakes. This dude knew technical writing. LOL. SMH.
I think we're all guilty of doing this at one time or another. The important thing is that you realize it, you know?
This has happened to me. I have a gentleman in my class that has tatoos from head to toe, braids, baggy pants, and gold/diamond fronts. At first I thought, WTH? And each new teacher we have together, I watch that look appear on their faces as well. As we continued to take classes together, I realized that he has a brilliant mind. He is an A student and the president of our association. I am still baffled by his appearance and wondering how is he going to swing it when we have to do our clinicals.
Hey man dont trip folk i get misjudged because of how I lok. He likely didnt trip, society builds up resitance for a bruh like the immune system does for infection. Least u didnt ask him like i get asked, "do U got any smoke" or "are u a musician" because I hve dreds.
all u did was be a man and check youself - laudable
We learn lessons everyday. I'm from the hood and I've found myself doing the same thing. Will it ever change?? I see someone with the natural look or the braids and I have my own pre-judgments. I really hope I can get over them.
Good post.
The lesson of the day is never judge a book by its cover, I presume. Sometimes this is harder to do than it should be because are too damn predictable. Its always fun when people defy prejudices.
Well, while we should not judge a book by it's cover, we live in a country where appearances can run pretty true to form. I take nothing for granted anymore, but I do have an open mind. We have to go with our gut instincts and until we learn something better, that's all that we have. And 9 times out of 10 they work.
Well... I don't blame you...
I am looking and forming opinions....
I just got new neighbors yesterday and the look on my face wasn't pretty....
I don't like that abt myself.... judging folks on there appearences...but damn,they make it so easy--
I think everyone is guilty of judging a book by its cover. I know I am. I liken it to simple human nature. Our brains form opinions and that is what we stick with unitl, as in your instance, we are pleasantly proven wrong. Don't re-think your instincts tho. Always follow your first mind.
Good read.
Not prejudice. We all judge a book by it's cover at one point or another...It's called being human. Hell, people at my job think I am one of the most out goin and out spoken people out there when in reality I am very introverted and quiet....Just don't piss me off......I's still negro....LOL Don't beat yourself up over it, hell I was thinking drug dealer my damnself and all I had was your written word to go on.
at least you're a man who can recognize and admit a mistake. imagine how many people see you and judge you on a daily...good or bad, its a reality we all live with.
It's sad that we get caught up in prejudging folks. For example...People think I'm a pimp, just because I like purple...have a bunch of chicks that work for me and give me all their money at the end of the day. And if they don't you know they gonna catch a straight beat do....er, nevermind. Bad example..... I'm just glad you have a good neighbor...We all need one.
I try not to judge but I do sometimes. I don't mean too but it happens
hey ok yea.. from andrew the asshole site.. oh ok
it human nature to get a sense of some one b4 u know them it happens to the best of us
but atleast u made an effort to get to know him
and didnt stick to ur perceptions
@durtymo: yeah, but i can't see you mannin up. youse ain't no dude. lol
@Shai: sounds like a guy i need sometimes around me. fo sho! thanks for sharing that story.
@Saadia: my MF! it's very important to realize and allow for it to be proven or not.
@re of C: um..yeah im curious at how dude will pull that off too. let me nkow how that turns out. I've seen it from both sides of the coin. I was a high school jock. but I was also an honor roll student.
@Torrance: "Least u didnt ask him like i get asked, "do U got any smoke" or "are u a musician" because I hve dreds."...is hilarious. I thought about musician too. u silly, T!
i think we are all guilty of making general judgements, you admittng that you made the generalization is the first step...i think we make a lot of judgements against ourselves more than we care to admit at times...as long as we can grow and become better people from the experience, that's what really matters i think
We are all guilty, but not all admits. I too have judged a book by it's cover without realizing that someone was probably doing the same to me. Now I have a new outlook, you never know unless you walk in their shoes. It is all about getting to know the person.
Me, I always get the "She's stuck up" look. If they only knew I was and still am my
WORST critic.
@mp1: what up fellow clevelander? i was part time from the hood. i lived in the suburbs, but spent holidays and summers at grandmas house on 105 between superior and st clair. I am used to bein in what other people would consider to be less than savory. it's what it is. learning experience.
@mr jonese: welcome to the blog. i appreciate the comment. I was glad my neighbor defied the odds. We live on a street full of mostly older white people. not alot of brothas around so I didn't want to be next to the stereotypical cat. ya dig?
@shelia: thanks for stopping by also. gut instincts is important too. I think it normally serves me well. excellent point!
@ticia: hey girl! good luck with the new neighbor. feel them out before you make a call. hahahaha
@Don: too true. to second guess would be a huge mistake. yeah, im glad that i was proven wrong.
@one mans opin: darn skippy thats what I was thinking. I was like WTF are all these cars doing over there all the time. I appreciate the comment, brah. I won't beat myself up about it anymore. it was just something that I felt was worthy of mention on my blog.
TSK...TSK...TSK...Shame on you,
DC! You know better...
That's like someone coming to my blog and assuming I'm a foul-mouth nymphomaniac...OK...maybe I am...but damnit...DON'T JUDGE ME!! LOL
@tha L: how was studying this weekend with work? lol..yeah I try I try! I felt so bad from before that last weekend I let him use our grill in our backyard since I was done cooking on it and he was about to get started.
@Forge: hahahaha...you're a silly cat! I would never think that about you man. I would just think that you worked in security or something. lol!
TOSG: yeah we all do. not a bad thing all the time though. it's probably saved a few lives here and there.
@danzer1986: welcome to the blog and thank you for mentioning that its important to get to know the person (sometimes)in case our perceptions are wrong.
@TC: hey lady! so true. step taking is an across the board movement towards becoming better people. it can be applied to every area of living. great point!
@Mis understood: the name surely fits based on your comment. I can relate to being my own worst critic at times although I have had some people come close in the past. lol. You see pretty cool to me..oh yeah..Go Browns
whew...that was alot.
you all gave great feedback on this musing. I really appreciate it.
@KiKi: um..I said by looks. you have shown that you are a ... hahahahahahahahaha.
ok i'll stop.
my bad! you are a stone cold mess!
I meant Wysteria Lane as in "Desperate Housewives." ROFL!
it's trite, but true... you really cannot judge a book by its cover. i'm learning this more and more with experience. this happens a lot too.. when someone looks good on paper.. that's code talk for judging them by their cover.. you really have to let people reveal their true selves
@LMF: yeah...the light doesn't stay hidden forever.
@sis: um..ok so I feel a little dumb. I don't watch that. I never have. geeez, now I feel real stupid. especially since u ROFL'd at me.
Uh huh.. Good good, yes.. This was a great post and I know I have experienced similar situations in the past.. I guess that old saying still rings true, don't judge a book..
Way to own it brother. Good post!
I'm sitting here mad .. you know I have great audio and video equipment we could have recorded the first neighbor and put her on youtube with her loud ass .... hehehehehe
Sup son I'm back ....many tales to tell holla at me
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