Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Remote Control Relationship..part 1(a)---repost

Hey, fam. Part one of this series focuses on the factors that allow for men and women to exert their will over their mate. It will discuss a few of the methods used by some to keep people "in line" even when they aren't in their presence.

We can highlight the obvious on both sides of the fence and then delve a little more into the not so obvious.

Some of the best ways to exert control is by focusing on two powerful emotions: Love and Fear.

If I use the example that is heavily quoted in today's society "Would you rather be loved or feared"...A Bronx Tale, the significance of that line is shocking to the core and that is a prime example of how remote control is exerted.

1. Fear of loss: people will do strange/accept things when they fear being alone

2. Loves Looks: people will compromise themselves over and over again if they feel that their mate is too attractive to let them go.

3. Fear of physical: people will certainly cut short everyday living situations for fear of a physical confrontation

4. Love the attention: people will be so accustomed to getting the attention that they don't want to be ignored.

There are so many examples and I just used these 4 because they are easy to use. All of these feelings can cause a person to be "controlled" by their significant other even if time elapses or a person even moves out of town. The feelings of guilt/shame or just starting the dating game over again makes some people feel trapped and they can't get out...thus they are now being "remotely controlled."

The purpose of these posts are to recognize the patterns and give ourselves a fighting chance at falling back in love with ourselves. Not being defined by what another individual's influence over us projects, but by knowing and loving whom we are.

This is part 1(A) of a series on the remote control relationship bandit patterns. Stay tuned for regular updates.

It is extremely important that we not only change the channel of behavior, but that we also grab the remote and shatter it into millions of pieces...before we simply fade to black...

Anyone care to shed some additional light? The floor is yours.

I just thought it would be wise to repost the first installment before I did the second one. I hope that someone in the blogosphere can be helped from reading this and other relationship focused blogs around the world.

P.S....Second installment to follow on Thursday 8-9-07.

22 comments:

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Many of us would not be controllable if we had a strong sense of self. I great self image esteem.

dc_speaks said...

absolutely true, diva.

DurtyMo said...

Fantastic Post! You and Organized are on it today! *shew* Ok I must agree w/ Diva! If we thought half as much about ourselves as we did about what others though of us *confusing* then EVERY body would be on the "come up". What I mean is, nobody would accommodate/accept/tolerate/etc. people who weren't up to their level. Period! Case in point (I shared this on somebody else's blog but the shyt gets me livid every time I think about it!) My girlfriend was dumped by a dude who was NOT on her level by any means cuz he wanted to go back to his ex girlfriend that was MARRIED!!! What?

Ok.. see that's the type of shyt that will kill your self esteem but luckily my girlfriend got enough courage to move mountains and it did NOT break her spirit!!! I digressed but I'm heated. LOL! 'scuse me...

Bklyn Diva said...

wow.. you kinda described me when I was a young 20 something.. but then I BROKE FREE :)

but it only comes with true sense of self and what we want and will accept that we can move forward.. and not be afraid to be like oh hell naw I ain't goign for dat!!!

Interesting...

Tasha said...

Very interesting post. I have to agree that many people can be controlled by the fear of being alone and are sadly duped into equating that "non-lonely" feeling with real love.

YAZMAR said...

Hay DC---how you doing?

dc_speaks said...

@durtymo: thanks ma'am. i hope your girl really bounces back and gets a winner. thanks for sharing that.

@bk diva: 2o's huh? well glad that you were spared those experiences as you got older and they didn't become habit forming for you. yayyyyyyyyy to you!!!


@Tasha: yay...being alone can destroy self esteem and confidence. I have additional insight on that topic though...i'll be getting arond to that soon.

dc_speaks said...

hey yazmar...im great...how you doing?

thanks for stopping by!

T.C. said...

so how do you balance or distinguish between being "controled" and "bending to blend" in a relationship? dumb question on the surface I know, but something to think about...your examples are easy and clear but what about what I ask on my blog...are those controlling issues (not all) or what...interesting

Dave said...

D,
I halfway expected to come through and see a post on your reunion! How did that go? Will you be writing about it?

(sorry that this is off topic).

dc_speaks said...

heyyyyyyyyyy dave. the main event that I planned to attend was rained out. :( ..sadly the other activites were of no interest to me.

I enjoyed the weekend more because we had almost two nights off of parenting and loved the quality time with the MRS..

Shai said...

Reunion? Was it a class reunion?

dc_speaks said...

yeppers...it was a class reunion.

Ticia said...

Love the post...

I have made too many relationship mistakes, but I worked through them alone.....and now I feel that I am ready for a new one---

I compromised and didn't stay true to myself---

Now I know my worth, so I understand what a healthy image of myself is and I will only accept the very best!

Bklyn Diva said...

AMEN TICIA!!!! I'M WIT YA MA!!! I'M THERE!!! *pumps fist into the air*

Shai said...

Amen to Ticia's comment: "I compromised and didn't stay true to myself"

I did that thinking I was following the flow of current dating standards. LOL. SMH. I had not been in a relationship in so long I thought I had to be flexible, I thought I was being too hard. NOT!

I compromised myself and sadly the other person invested so little and gained so much. SMH.

************************************

I also noticed a misuse of authority and using Biblical scriptures to justify it. SMH. It is scary to see men who misuse their authority not realizing that with the authority comes responsibilities.

Dave said...

Aw man, that's a shame. But the two days break from parenting? Priceless! Glad to hear your weekend was good times.

Besides, you are a humble man. Can't have you going into a high school reunion and making all the ladies swoon and all the fellas jealous.

Probably for the best the big D mojo was kept at bay. Lol.

CreoleInDC said...

Totally on point...but should be stated that no one tries this with someone who has excellent self esteem and sense of self. They'd look at them like they'd dropped their left eye. ROFL!

dc_speaks said...

lol@Dave's obvious truths. hahahahahahah

The Re-inventing of C. said...

Love the post. Truthful in so many ways.

dc_speaks said...

ticia...you are A-OK.

@SIS: not the left eye...lol!

dc_speaks said...

HI reinventing...thank you. part 2 will be interesting...i hope anyway